


Human

by Headphone_Love



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged up characters, Body Dysphoria, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Trans Male Character, request from tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-13 02:17:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5690842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Headphone_Love/pseuds/Headphone_Love
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kenma is having one of the worst days he has had in a while<br/>Kuroo decides to try and help the best he can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Human

**Author's Note:**

> A request from anon on tumblr. 
> 
> As a disclaimer, I am not trans nor fully understand dysphoria. I did some research and asked some friends, but even then this may not be fully accurate, so if there is anything that does not make sense feel free to message me about it! The last thing I wish to do is pretend I am an expert in something I honestly have never experienced.
> 
> I can't begin to understand, but I hope that if anything seems overdramatic or inaccurate that someone will tell me so I can learn a bit more.

Kuroo gazed at his boyfriend with wide eyes, sucking in a breath as he watched the tears slip down his face. To see Kenma so emotional was not unusual, but it was still heart wrenching to watch. He stepped forward hesitantly and allowed his bag to slip off his shoulder as he cleared his throat. He had a feeling he knew what was happening but had yet to figure out a good way to comfort Kenma on these types of days.

"Kenma?" he murmured as he leaned down in front of him. Entering their apartment, he had assumed the shorter male would simply be playing games or even sleeping, not sobbing so hard his body shook with each one. 

Instead of answering, Kenma turned away, hiding his face, curling into himself.

"Don't..." he choked out, Kuroo straightening at the word. He knew that Kenma hated being seen like this, being seen when he was not calm and collected. Kenma's fingers went through his hair, pulling roughly. Kuroo flinched at the other's act and immediately moved forward to grab his wrists, gently squeezing. He did the first thing that popped into his head.

"I'm not looking, so please don't pull at your hair" he murmured, eyes closed and face scrunched in concern. Kenma looked up slowly, eyes growing wide when he saw that Kuroo actually wasn't looking. He shifted, breath hitching as his grip on his hair loosened. Kenma pulled his wrists from the others and turned so his back was to him, hugging himself. He wanted nothing more than to hug Kuroo, but he also didn't want to be touched. It was such a conflicting feeling that only upset him more.

Kuroo still didn't move, sitting quietly and calmly. He only opened his eyes when he saw that Kenma had his back to him, opting to sit with his legs crossed.

"...So what happened?" he asked after a few minutes of pure silence. While Kuroo usually wasn't too keen on speaking, but the silence was more or less suffocating. It was especially so when he knew that something was bothering Kenma, enough to make him cry and lose composure. Taking a quick look around, he noticed how the apartment seemed disorganized, almost as if Kenma was looking for something or simply letting off steam.

When Kenma didn't answer, simply shrugging weakly, Kuroo hummed.

"Are you hurt?" he asked lightly, Kenma shaking his head.

"No" he whispered softly.

"Good. So is there another reason you don't want me to look at you?" he asked carefully.

Kenma swallowed hard and dug his nails into his arms slightly, not enough to injure himself, but enough to cause the familiar pinching sensation. He slowly turned to look over his shoulder, cat-like eyes sad and pained. His lips parted, but no words came out. How was he supposed to explain that one moment he was putting on his binder and the next he was throwing it across the room and thinking about how much he hated his body? How was he supposed to tell Kuroo, who loved everything about him, that he found himself wondering how life would be if he wasn't around?

Kenma's eyes flashed towards the binder as he grit his teeth and looked away again.

"I wish I didn't have to do that every day" he admit weakly. Kuroo didn't speak, simply listening and allowing Kenma the time to process his thoughts. "I wish I was normal"

Kuroo stood, startling Kenma to looking at him fully, eyes wide. Kuroo looked conflicted, as if he wanted to speak but wasn't sure if what he was going to say would offend/scare the smaller male.

"You are. You are human aren't you?" he began stiffly, eyes digging into his boyfriend. "You feel just like everyone else, you listen and process information, you care about others right?!" he argued, not realizing his voice was slowly rising. He felt angry, but not at Kenma. He was angry at the fact that he couldn't do anything, at the fact that if anyone else knew about Kenma being biologically female that they would stop treating him the way they were now. He didn't understand why things like gender had such importance in how people were treated, something he hadn't thought much about before he met Kenma. If he felt this way, he couldn't even imagine how Kenma felt every day.

"Has there ever been a time where you were anything but Kenma? My boyfriend and someone who I care for very much?" he asked as Kenma bit down on his lip. He slowly stood, swaying slightly from remaining in that position for so long. His blond and brown hair pooled around his face as the tears peaked in his eyes. "So why...why would you think that you are any less human than anyone else?" Kuroo asked softly, surprised when Kenma looked up and gripped his jacket.

"I know all of that" he whispered. And he truly did. He knew that the thoughts in his mind weren't always completely accurate. He knew that whenever he was truly happy he would never think twice about who he was. When he was happy, he was Kenma, a volleyball player for the men's team with Kuroo at the university. But this wasn't one of those times. These times were rougher when his mind would turn against him and repeat everything he had heard from others back to him. This was the time where his mind would tell him that he hated himself, tell him that he was fucked up in the head and would never be liked by anyone. This was the time where he would be reminded that physically, he was far from who he wished to be.

Kenma's grip tightened.

"But when I run and move and wonder why my chest feels constricted" he continued. "When I go to shower and realize that no, my chest isn't flat, no I can't take my shirt off during practice, no I can't..." he paused and tried his best to breathe, but his voice seemed to crack regardless.

"I hate it. I really do. I feel like this is a big game that everyone else gets enjoyment out of and I am the only one losing"

Kenma brought a hand up to roughly wipe away the tears and let out a deep breath. "I am not angry at the life I have. I love it" he assured softly. Kuroo placed a hand on his head as if telling Kenma to stop trying to reassure him when he was the one hurting.

"But it is just the fact that I feel like no matter what I do I am not...this isn't me" he tried to explain as Kuroo took in a deep breath and wrapped his free arm around Kenma's waist, pulling him close. 

"Well, I will do anything in my power to help you, just as I promised before we began to date" he spoke confidently. "Whether it be taking you to your doctors appointments or beating up any shitheads who mess with you, or even calming you down when this happens" he murmured. He pulled away so he could lean down, gently placing a kiss on each of Kenma's cheeks. The setter grew warmer, his breathing seeming just a bit easier with those words. He could still hear it, the doubt and fear, but just nodded at the taller male.

"I know. I'm sorry, about the mess" he said guiltily, finally beginning to calm down. He nearly forgot about what set him off already, not thinking too much about it in fear of setting himself off again. Kuroo waved a dismissive hand and offered him a tiny grin.

"Don't worry about it. This place could use some character, now we have that" he joked quietly, Kenma offering a small smile of his own. Even though Kuroo knew this wasn't the end of the situation, he found that he would go through this as many times as he had to in order to make sure that Kenma was okay.

"So, what do you want to do now that you have calmed, Kenma?" Kuroo asked. The blond looked around, eyes wandering everywhere until they landed on Kuroo again.

"Can we sleep for a little bit?" he asked quietly, Kuroo chuckling and picking the other up. Kenma gasped and immediately gripped for Kuroo, eyes wide as if asking why he had done that.

"Catnap for the cat?" he teased before carrying them towards their room, Kenma hiding his face in Kuroo's chest.

One so the other wouldn't tease him for how red his face was, and two so that he wouldn't see the smile that forced its way to Kenma's lips.


End file.
